Everyone wants to be comfortable. From a biological perspective, our bodies work towards the path of least resistance. It wants to remain comfortable. This state of being can be a great place to reside – after all, it’s called the comfort zone for a reason. But living there means you’re not pushing yourself to try new things or learn new skills. It can make you feel stuck.
Feeling stuck isn’t about having a lack of opportunities available to you, or about not having the right skills and abilities to reach your goal. It’s a symptom of living in comfort for too long. As humans, we repeat what’s familiar to us, because forming habits and rituals is what keeps many of us feeling safe. When we make an effort to live outside of those habits and rituals, it can feel uncomfortable. This is normal.
Before you resign yourself to moving back into your comfort zone and staying stuck, let’s explore what it takes to keep yourself moving forward.
“Too Busy” is a Lie We Tell Ourselves
We’ve all caught ourselves saying that we’re too busy to do something. This is simply not true. Everyone has the same 24 hours in a day. If something matters to you, you’ll find time for it. If it doesn’t, you’ll find excuses. This is why it’s important to take an inventory of your priorities so that you can make adjustments to your schedule to fit in everything that matters.
Some common excuses you may have used are that you have to work or take care of a home or family. One way to get out of this mindset is to look at the schedules of others who live similar lives and see if you can replicate it, filling in time blocks with your chosen activities. Another way is through looking at your existing schedule and swapping out activities. For example, if you want to prioritize going to the gym, but you just can’t find the time in the day, start by looking at your downtime. Do you regularly sleep till 7 or 8 am? Do you find yourself hitting the couch after dinner to scroll on your phone at 7 pm? Instead, wake up earlier to workout or make it a habit to go to the gym after dinner. That downtime may be keeping you comfortable, but it’s also keeping you stuck.
As the famous philosopher, Seneca, put it:
“It is not that we have a short time to live, but that we waste much of it.”
Audit your days with brutal honesty. The truth about your priorities will be revealed.
Perfectionism = Procrastination in Disguise
The idea of ‘perfect’ doesn’t exist. The scale of perfection is constantly changing. What you might view as being perfect, may only seem that way for a short time until a new goal or milestone becomes the new peak of perfection that you’re trying to achieve. By striving for perfection, we may end up procrastinating instead.
Think about the phrase, “Practice makes perfect.” It’s important to accept that whatever you’re trying to do is likely not going to start out perfectly. Through time and practice, refinement will come and this is where you will gain confidence and a level of perfection in the task at hand.
It’s okay to start something and be messy at it. Begin before you feel entirely ready. Kim Collins, a track and field athlete, said:
“Strive for continuous improvement, instead of perfection.”
In 2003, he became the World Champion in the 100 metres. It’s likely he didn’t start out at a world champion level. But through practice and dedication, he was able to reach an incredible goal.
The Takeaway: Embrace the initial mess. It’s the only path to progress.
Confidence Comes After Action, Not Before
If you wait to feel confident and ready, you may never start.
Building confidence takes time – you have to build it from the ground up. Put down the first brick and let momentum build the rest of the house.
Just like perfection comes with practice, confidence comes after you take action. It may be something you can fake till you truly feel it, but it’s not something you can will into existence.
You have to take the first, sometimes messy, step in order to achieve the feeling of pride and confidence that is to come.
Avoiding the Hard Stuff Creates More Stress
We avoid the discomfort of confrontation or the effort of decision-making out of a desire to not feel stressed, yet this very avoidance breeds a deeper, more intense level of stress that continues to grow the longer we let it sit.
Remind yourself that the majority of your stress isn’t caused by the tasks you do, but by the ones you do not. You can’t let go of that task in your mind until it’s taken care of. You allow this thing to take up constant space in your mind, instead of freeing that space for more productive, healthy emotions and tasks.
Author Robert Frost put it nicely by saying:
“The best way out is always through.”
You can’t go around your problems, you can’t go over them, you have to go through them.
Discipline > Motivation
Motivation is a fickle companion, arriving in sporadic bursts and often deserting us when we need it most. Relying solely on motivation is a recipe for inconsistency. Discipline, on the other hand, is the unwavering commitment to show up, even when inspiration is absent.
You won’t feel inspired and motivated every day. Show up anyway. Build routines and habits that carry you on low-energy days. Then, practice being disciplined and keep yourself accountable to maintain those routines and habits.
If you’re having a hard time staying disciplined, it can be helpful to have motivational quotes handy – on your phone background or on a note on the mirror – that you can use to kickstart your efforts.
Here’s one by Author John C. Maxwell that can be inspiring:
“Motivation gets you going, but discipline keeps you growing.”
This is a powerful reminder that without discipline, you’ll stay stuck right where you are.
Comfort Zones Don’t Stay Neutral – They Shrink
The longer you remain within the confines of your comfort zone, the smaller that zone becomes. What once felt manageable will eventually feel restrictive and difficult.
Discomfort isn’t a sign that you’re on the wrong path; it’s often the clearest indication that you’re moving forward. Embrace the unease as a marker of progress.
One way to ensure that you’re doing this is to make it a goal to try one new thing each month. This could be something as simple as trying a new restaurant by yourself. If doing things on your own feels intimidating, and you’d prefer to experience new things with the comfort of a companion, then dining out alone could be way outside your comfort zone. This activity is still safe, and can be a positive experience, even though it’s something that doesn’t feel that way at the moment. By practicing this, you’ll feel confident eating alone in public places, and you may even start to enjoy it.
Change What You Tolerate
What you are willing to accept shapes the reality you inhabit.
Want a better life? Raise your standards – for your health, your time, your relationships, and your self-talk. You teach the world how to treat you by the boundaries you establish and the behaviors you condone.
Take the saying, “You are the company you keep” for example. It implies that the people you choose to surround yourself with significantly influence your behavior, character, and values. If you tolerate and surround yourself with people who speak negatively about themselves and you or are generally unmotivated to improve themselves, it can lead you to believe that this is tolerable behavior.
This keeps you in that comfort zone, which you’ll need to break out of in order to find change in your life. Learn to recognize what people, things, or behaviors no longer benefit you and make efforts to no longer tolerate them.
Final Thoughts
The feeling of being stuck is often just an illusion. It’s a byproduct of living in prolonged comfort. The path forward, while perhaps uncomfortable at first, is the only true route to growth and a more meaningful existence. Embrace the discomfort.
