“Be yourself,” they say, “Everyone else is already taken.” That’s good advice. Just be authentically you.
But if you’re like most people, you may have a few different versions of “you.” There’s the “you” at home when you can relax and not worry about your image. There’s the “you” at work, the “you” when you’re out with friends, and probably the “you” around the people you call family. So which one is the authentic “you”?
As we grow up, we develop all kinds of adaptive behaviors that help us navigate life situations. We learn to recognize ourselves in the reflections of the people around us and that works when we’re learning who we are.
But what if you’ve reached a point where you’re looking for something different? Can you find yourself by integrating all of the “you’s” into just one person?
Playwright George Bernard Shaw wrote,
“Life isn’t about finding yourself. Life is about CREATING yourself.”
But how do you do that? How do you create a new version of yourself?
Old Self Meets New Self
For starters, take a good look at who you are. A lot of your routines and habits may have become a part of you without you really thinking about it. Your environment and circumstances most likely shaped the current “you.”
Dr. Paul T.P. Wong, psychologist and professor stated,
“Time spent in self reflection is never wasted – it is an intimate date with yourself.”
One way to get started, is to ask yourself questions as if you were meeting someone new for the first time. Get to know your likes and dislikes. What are you interested in? What hobbies do you have? Do you really enjoy them, or do you do them because they’re familiar?
Then go a little deeper. For example, what are your personal beliefs and values? What are you good at? What could you improve on? What would you like to let go of altogether, or what new things would you like to cultivate into the new you? You can find plenty of lists of self discovery questions online that can help you to do a thorough assessment of your strengths, weaknesses, and interests.
Then begin to create an image of what the new you would be like. Envision your best self. Ask yourself what the best version of you is and what actions you need to take to become that person.
Do you need to learn a new skill? A new language? What does the new version of you enjoy doing?
How would the new version of you look? How would you dress? How would you talk?
It might be fun to think of being someone so different and exciting that no one would even recognize you. But is that really you? Maybe it is. But take a good look. The new version of you should be more than just something different. It should embrace the best of your real self.
A clear assessment of yourself should bring clarity as to what the new version of you might actually be. Once you have an idea, go ahead with it. Introduce the old you to the new you, and make a plan to become that person.
Plans and Persistence
Once you have an idea of what changes you want to make, put your words into actions. Begin with small steps toward your goal. It’s challenging at first, but persistence will make it easier over time.
For example, if the new version of you is an early riser that takes a morning walk each day, then start with that. Just one small change can make it easier to do more. When you begin to see results and become the new version of you, momentum sets in, and it can help move you closer to your goal.
When making your step by step plan, be mindful that some people don’t like change and some may be jealous of your progress toward the new you. Just keep working on your plans and don’t share them with people who may not be supportive.
Silence can be golden when you’re making changes in your life. You don’t need naysayers lining up to discourage your plans and trying to pull you back down to the familiar past. Keep things to yourself. Don’t broadcast your plans. Just make steady progress each day to become the new you.
“Sometimes if you want to change your life, you may need to change out your friends.”
– Toby Mac
A true friend will encourage you when you’re becoming the new version of you and it’s important that you surround yourself with people who want the best for you.
Planning the steps you’ll take can help you stay on course with your overall plan, regardless of what others may be telling you.
Helpers and Guidance
You don’t need to seek help from everyone you meet, but do get help from people you respect. Help shows up when you ask for it.
Becoming a new version of yourself can require some big changes. If you’re thinking of making a career change, you might need a mentor and you might need to learn a new skill or trade. Having someone help you make this move can be a big boost to the outcome.
Having a financial advisor to help you chart your course toward a more profitable future can be another example of guidance. When you are creating a new version of yourself, there are likely to be things you don’t know yet and getting help from others who know the territory might be the best way to navigate the journey.
“You just have to have the guidance to lead you in the direction until you can do it yourself.”
– Tina Yothers
Embrace Non Linear Progress
When taking on the task of becoming a new version of yourself, it’s important to realize that there will be days when you’re feeling empowered and excited. There will also be other times when you experience setbacks. Personal growth is not a straight path.
Author James Clear reminds us,
“Rome wasn’t built in a day, but they were laying bricks every hour. You don’t have to build everything you want today, just lay a brick.”
When things seem to slow down and you’re not making the progress you had designated in your step by step plan, remember that there will be good days and hard days. Be grateful for the hard days. They are part of the journey and even if you don’t see it now, you’ll learn from them. It would be hard to become a new version of yourself without making mistakes and having to make corrections along the way.
It’s important not to give up when things get difficult. Don’t allow yourself to succumb to doubt or discouragement. You might even start to feel like you’re fooling yourself, as if the new version of you isn’t really possible. Imposter syndrome can pop up when you are trying new things. But keep believing in yourself.
Two steps forward, one step back, but always moving ahead, even if it’s slow going.
Trust the Process
Acknowledge that change takes time. Let go of the need to force or control it. When you are becoming the best version of you, it’s not about pretending to be someone else. It’s about finding your own true essence and learning to be that to the best of your ability.
If you’re finding out new things about yourself along the way, you’ll need time to process the new information and integrate it into the person you want to be.
Coach and Author, Fabienne Fredrickson, wrote,
“The day you plant the seed is not the day you eat the fruit. Be patient and stay the course.”
Final Thoughts
Above all, the new version of you needs to be real. You might try out a few character roles along the way, but later find they didn’t really bring out the best in you.
When you are creating a new version of yourself, you have the opportunity to make it really good. You probably know what has worked for you in the past, and what hasn’t. So taking all that into consideration, plan for not only a new version of you, but a better version of you.
Your future self will thank you for the choices you make today.
